1. feels…

Feels good man. Four years ago next month I stood on top a parking garage fighting the urge to jump off. Today I woke up and didn't fight the urge to get out of bed, just like I haven't every morning for the past two years. It wasn't easy to fight out of the hole, but it feels amazing to know that I did.

(Long) Edit: A lot of people asking "what changed?" or "How did you do it?" There's no one simple answer, but I'll try to lay out a few things that helped me. Number one, I got help. This is the most important thing, I resisted talking about it to anyone out of fear. A close friend finally realized there was something wrong (I had gotten really good at putting on a face), and approached me. I kind of broke down and laid it all out for him. After that I went to the student health center at my college and found great professional mental health resources.

The second thing, is I took stock of my life and just began cutting out the things that made me miserable and finding and prioritizing the things that gave me joy. I was in a very stressful major and I found I didn't enjoy it at all, but realized my passion for helping the environment and found a major (and now a job!) that would allow me to pursue that. I cut people out of my life that were negative voices. I started running again, I had been a cross country runner in high school but had stopped running when I got to college. But I realized how much joy running brought me and made it a priority to run.

There is no one cure all way to fight depression, or any sort of mental illness, but I cannot emphasize enough that if you are feeling this way SEEK HELP!. Whether it's a close friend or family member you can confide in for the first time, or if you feel comfortable enough going straight to a doctor, it is impossible to fight alone.

Edit 2: Thanks for the gold, friends! Those of you who have messaged me, I will do my best to respond to as many of you as I can tomorrow but it's bedtime for me. 🙂


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