My parents would buy scratch off tickets often. They'd give them to me to scratch off because I was a kid and it was exciting to me to scratch them off. Of course, since the lottery is pretty much rigged, we never won anything.

After scratching off each ticket, I'd show it to my parents and ask, "I won?" And they'd say "No. You didn't win."

Then one day I scratch off a ticket and ask, "I won?" And my dad says, "You won!" I got really excited. "I won???" "You won! You won a candy bar!"

So we go into the convenience store and my dad says to go pick out my candy bar. I go grab a Snickers or something and head back to the counter. I put the candy bar on the counter and hand the cashier my ticket. And that was it. I had won something finally!

So then as I grew up, any time the lottery or scratch off tickets would come up, I'd tell the story about how I won a candy bar once.

When I was about 20, I said something about it again. "I won a candy bar once." My mom for some reason decided to come clean about it. "You didn't win," she said. "Every time you'd ask us if you won, you looked so hopeful and then we'd say no you didn't win and you'd be disappointed. So Daddy just said you won. He went into the store with you and paid the guy for a candy bar and told him you'd be paying with a scratch off ticket."

Turns out I'm just a loser like everyone else. Thanks, Dad!