Hid under a bed while a real estate agent showed a couple around my flat. Couldn’t be bothered to go out but can’t stand small talk, so decided to lay low.

I had a cup of tea, cushions, a Nokia with Snake on it. I was quite happy under there.

They were 25 minutes late. I guess I was under the bed for just over an hour.

I feared a sneeze.

I was in my early twenties.